I can still remember walking into the gym during a freshman dance, where the college newbies met for an icebreaker the second day of the first semester. I had this cocky attitude. Me and a couple buddies of mine. Not that I knew what the plan was. But I sure knew I wanted to get noticed. It was kinda like John Travolta strolling onto the dance floor in his white suit, ready to impress (Saturday Night Fever).I think “Stayin’ Alive” (the movie’s theme song) was rolling around in my head while I was setting the pace to the music with each step I took. Remember that opening scene? Oh boy. What the heck was that all about?

I do know this. I wasn’t alone in carrying this notion of someone I wanted to be or at least someone whose image I wanted to portray. My “act” together at the ripe old age of 18. Someone who was going places. Never mind that I didn’t even know where the bathroom was. I got this life figured out, and I’m gonna look like something special, even if I look like an idiot doing it.

That was the image of my false self. I was carrying around that age-old question without an answer. Do I have what it takes? What it takes to make my mark on this world, to be significant, to be noticed, to be special and for people to like me. My definition of success was everything the world thought was important. Prestige, money, power. All opposite of what Jesus modeled in His life and leadership style. The first will be last and last will be first. I was already dreaming of strolling into the board room with the same level of swag and impressiveness as I had exhibited strolling onto that dance. To the beat of “Stayin’ Alive,” minus the brown platform shoes, two slices of pizza in my left hand and a gallon of paint in my right, swaying in perfect harmony to each beat of the music.